Dark Rhetors in the Light of Hindsight

Protective	↔	Controlling
Attentive	↔	Jealous
Precise, uncompromising	↔	Relishes correcting others
Self-assured	↔	Antagonistic
Shrewd	↔	Deceptive
Confident	↔	Grandiose (supreme arrogance)
Funny, sarcastic	↔	Delights in humiliating others
Competitive	↔	Aggressive
Successful	↔	Predatory
Charming	↔	Superficial
Relatable	↔	Chameleon
Makes caring gestures	↔	Doesn't care
Exciting	↔	Reckless
Ambitious	↔	Easily bored
Unyielding, impassive	↔	Can't apologize or show humility
Professional	↔	Callous (no empathy)
Passionate	↔	Histrionic
Disdains money	↔	Makes others pay
Wants me to themselves Makes me feel special	↔	Isolating, immuring
Mysterious	↔	Secretive
Spontaneous	↔	Impulsive
Unpredictable	↔	Unreliable
Always right	↔	Never accepts responsibility
Always positive and upbeat	↔	Curates the truth
Wily	↔	Natural liar
Extroverted, gregarious	↔	Can't be alone
Outgoing and entertaining	↔	Needs to be center of attention

This table shows why it is hard to see a dark rhetor coming. Nearly any identifiable quality can be interpreted positively or negatively, such is the nature of all rhetoric. If we are attracted to someone, confirmation bias will put a positive spin on anything they do. This is why you need to introduce your friends to any newcomer you are attracted to. If your new friend refuses or makes excuses, run. If your friends meet your new friend, listen carefully to what they say.

People who possess all of the qualities listed below are very rare. Anyone who has five or six red flags might be capable of doing serious harm. Anyone who has five or six green flags might be the light of your life. And of course any given green flag might actually be red or become red; thus the yellow flag caution tape. It is also important to keep in mind that each of us has a different level of tolerance for different behaviors. What makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up might make someone else tingle in a very different way.

Also keep in mind the power of "the primacy effect." If someone gives you a positive report of someone before you meet them, you may be predisposed to like them. In that case your estimate of them will start in the left column. The opposite is also true. If you are primed to be suspicious, the newcomer's confidence may strike you as arrogance. Make your own assessments, but listen to others if they don't agree with you.

Dark rhetors don't want you to see them coming.